Mindless stuff here and there

electronic email id ka pata batao thakur

2006-09-04T22:09:00.000-05:00

"Don ka intazaar to 11 mulko ki police kar rahi hai par ek baat samajh lo, Don ko pakadna mushkil hi nahi, namumkin hai!!"

It was almost suicidal today to listen this dialogue in SKR's voice. I was like "This guy is either a very good human or like a real mafia types one. Otherwise why does nobody breaks his heart and tells him that he looks like a Don's cartoon film and should rather do umrao jan than Don. Go do karan johar (oops!!) ... i mean his movies!"

Anyway, sometimes people think they are doing something they are good at, but actually they become like an object of ridicule to others, by doing something everyone knows he can't!! Udi baba, tragedy bana riye the, ye commedy kaise ban gaya?? wahi wala haal ...

And I think I will continue blogging. So if you wanna read (ie u r in luv with my posts *blush* :D), drop in ur email id ka pata as a comment, and main naya address bhej doonga aati huyi daak se...

Doctor, inject thyself ...

PS: Don's songs are too gud otherwise. Listen to them if you haven't yet. Main abhee bas SKR ki voice bas edit kar doon... then i'll be a total happy dude... :)

!!Closed!!

2006-08-15T19:05:00.000-05:00

They're saying 22nd August is the Doom's day...

Let's get the hell out of here...

This blog is officially closed...

So Long...

Wanna Get Married?

2006-07-29T01:54:00.000-05:00

Well……

One of my friend’s post recently made me think and then thinking made me scared. It was about marriage stuff. And my thoughts started running wild, conjured my married life with me dodging all the utensils in our house. And like any other boy with some senses and brains, I concluded that I am not yet ready to marry anyone expect for Aishwarya Rai may be. But all was not so bad. Hell… you decide on your own after reading what happens…

Six months before marriage

I have bought Reliance India mobile telephone and am talking day and night with my “to be” using my hands free. For the 47th time I am explaining it to her what I ate today and she is asking again for the 48th time what else did I eat today. I don’t know what else would such couples talk about? Not to make all the people feel bad who ask me this question a lot, I want to confess that I think this is the most boring question one human being can ask another one. Especially when all I eat is human food including chicken most of the time. Its like, “Since I don’t have anything else intelligent to say, so what did you eat today?”. Alright, it was a little bit of exaggeration, but it nonetheless remains a boring question. Anyway, we would have to talk about this eating stuff or something else all the time and I will have to take breaks to even go pee.

But the key thing about this part is that it is like a crash course preparing for some exam, with a girl you like, filled with all the excitement. Remember to memorize all the events and stuff and talks you did. You WILL be asked about this after marriage, and you can or WILL be in serious trouble if you forget something. Huh!!

First Year

Like a fresher entering college for the first time, world is waiting with its arms wide open. But the ragging is yet to begin. Although I have all the talking and love I always thought about, but the old chill out dayz are gone. People have started thinking of me as a married and responsible man (yuck!!) and I miss my messy and dirty room filled with filth. (Just today only I realized that the disposable coffee cup kept in my room for more then a week now, was the ultimate source of all the smell and insects. Hell… it is still there).

Ok. I have thrown it away now, but all in all, this would be big change in life involving all the feminine stuff in my room (no more room for dirty coffee cups), she will make me go shopping, and I will have to think twice before making general comments like “I don’t like the food” (man, they can really get you into trouble). And all the questions prepared in the first phase (six months era) will be asked from time to time. And I thus may find myself sleeping on sofa from time to time, since I have learned nothing, and sporadically I may have to agree to Lal Bahadur Shashtri ji and skip meals (Since I won’t get any). And yes, there’s a risk that blogging may end or I’ll hear not-spending-enough-time complaints which can easily ruin your life.

Three to five years

All the inherent just-married cleanliness and affection of the house is gone and there is kid’s shit all around the place. Washing machine is stuffed with yellow diapers which were originally white. The kid is crying or screaming all the time and I don’t have anything else to do since the kid peed on my old laptop. And keeping in mind today’s events (I mean salary and stuff), I am finding it hard to maintain both diapers and laptop, all at the same time. I can afford only one of them, which of course, have to be diapers.

I’m thinking: “Man!! I envisioned this kid stuff way back, like a visionary, like an entrepreneur, but I’m still here, hell”

Five Plus

Kid has grown a little bit and so is the screaming. Of course, since child beating practices still prevail in India, we may sometimes use our power to slap him/her a couple of times just for the heck of it. But it won’t stop the screaming anyway. I will come back from office and try to sit quietly, watching TV, but would have to listen to all the Mrs. Sharma and Mrs. Gupta stuff plus the screaming. Well, I will have to, because not-spending-enough-time rule is valid till this date. Traces of Bachelor life are like a dream and best daze of my life are gone. But the good ol' beer still remains (hopefully) and occasional catch up with an old friend would be a most awaited moment. And yes, ogling at hot girls secretly would continue side by side with deep sighs.

More Years

I wanted to write more but …

Brain Status:
***Idle brain, No activity noticed since last one hour***

Debugger Trace:
***Way too much thinking on a stressful subject. If stressed more, it could explode***

Fix:
***Publish the post and go to sleep***

Phew… now even my laptop is sweating its keys out thinking all this … I will have to stop here and find some hair dryer to dry it up. It really works ... try it sometime ... I learned this trick from one of my most intelligent friend.

PS (added later): Forgot to mention that finally my intelligent friend successfully managed to melt his key board. So don't try hair dryer stuff at home, to be done by a professional only.

Main aur Meri...

2006-07-26T23:01:00.000-05:00

One of my good friend, Abhishek Mishra aka "Bittu Jhintakpuri" wrote an amazing piece, which I found worth reproducing here (with his consent of course ;)... n'joy

chand panktiya pehli baar pesh kar rahaa hoon gaur
farmaiyegaa..

mein aur meri Marlboro aksar yeh baatein karte haim
tum na hoti to kaisa hosa hota tum na hoti to waisa
hotaa..

mein lighter ghar par bhulkar na pachtata , mein kisi
ajnabee se baat karne ka mauka na dhund paata..
mein aur meri Marlboro aksar yeh baatein karte hain

yeh gamla hai yaa koi ashtray
khaana jal rahaa hai yaa jalti ciggrette se garbage bag jal gayaa

yeh car perfume hai yaa cigrette ke butt sad gaye hai
yeh koi neend ki dawa hai yaa jagne ka bahaana

yeh kaagaj jalne ki sarsarrahat
yaa fir se cigrette sseed(moist) gayi hai

yeh sochta hai mera boss gup chup
jabki usko bhi yeh khabar hai
ki badboo nahi hai ... nahi hai
magar dilyeh kah rahaa hai badboo yahi hai ... yahin hai

baar baar bahar jaane ki aadat meri bhi hai uski bhi
dil mein ek khawaish mere bhi hai uske bhi
karne ko bahot kaam hai ... lekin kab tak ruke hum

Dil yeh kehta hai ki koi mujhko pehle bulaa le
yeh jo cell phone hai koi number ispar lagaa de
Hum kaam khushi se kar sakte hai .. yeh logo ko bata de

haan hum smokers hai smokers hai....
ab dhuaan idhar bhi hai udhar bhi ...

Aaapka apna
Bittu Jhintakpuri ;)

Untitled

2006-07-23T23:56:00.000-05:00

OK now, Parle-G ki kasam, as far as ideas for a new post are concerned, last few days were as blank as … err … blank!! Now you see, I didn’t do any road trip, no Vegas trip either, I didn't notice any unusual activities on my way to office and many more excuses. And hence the post goes Untitled (But if you really think about it, it’s not untitled afterall). But even when the top layer of an organ of mine, called brain, is blank, let me think and explore last few days.

The first thing striking the upper portions of my head are my dinners alone. Remember the friends’ episode where Rachel goes to that awkward dinner by herself? Believe me, it’s not even similar to what I found out. You just have to be cautious that you don’t end up at a big fancy restaurant. That’d be really awkward sitting alone with civilized and well behaved people. Even civilized people eating alone look weird amidst other civilized ones. Pick a small place, where food is served by a waitress preferably, and that’s it. I went to waffle house (a place nearby which serves eggs, chicken and stuff) at around 11 PM a couple of times last week, and it was kind of cool. A little chit chat with waitresses (thanks to Murphy, they were all old), exchanging a few words with some new real American people, read your book and chew some nice pieces of grilled chicken, eggs and hash browns. It makes you understand a lot. A sense of independence and you get to see the real side of the place you are living in.

Let’s move on to more interesting stuff. For last two days, I’ve been hopping bars. And not well known ones, but real downtown kind of bars. I went with two of my friends at work (amriki), just for a few drinks, but we ended up roaming and hopping bars in downtown until 2.30 in Morning, listening to all kinds of local bands. 2.30, because at 2 they have to shut off the bars as per South Carolina laws. Both the days were a blast. The last bar to which I went was like, you can say, you get a real picture of what this country actually is. The side, which you can never even think off from outside. And yes, please take care that you never go to such places unless accompanied by a local fellow. Some of the folks can be real nasty and what you say, TOB, i.e. Totally Outrageous Behavior. And I don’t mean that way, if some of you real dirt-brains started getting other ideas… ;)

And last, I’ve been seeing all the stuff going on at middle-east these days. There’s a lot of turmoil. And I’ve read many blogs and listened to people around. Some think that why can’t India do such stuff? They kill 2 soldiers and Israel declares a war. Well, I don’t think India can do that. If hizbullah had nuclear weapons too, Israel would have thought ten times before making such a move. And moreover, I don’t even like making comments on such stuff because even when I’m really concerned, the best I can do is to light a matchstick and put my pants on fire. But whatever, I think US would get involved too. They’ve learned only one lesson from Vietnam. And that is, “Stay out of Vietnam!”. Err… I mean…. just Vietnam!!. But what bothers me even more than India going to a war is the fact that children still keep falling into 50 feet boring holes in our country. Every few months or so, there's a child in a hole and every expert starts coming up with a way to get him out. Why can't we prevent it? Have we really lost value for life?

I’m listening to the song “running on empty”, soundtrack from Forrest Gump. And somehow it makes me feel terribly motivated now. Naah, not the kind which makes you invent a bulb or something, but the kind which makes you look at world differently. From an angle which is not 180 degrees. But from the top, zoomed far away. With the passing of every moment, you can feel the power of now blending into you. You become appreciative of everything and your path becomes clear. What’s hard is to maintain the vision and walk on it. Every day is different; you never know what tomorrow may bring. Hopefully, tomorrow I’ll be able to think of something better to do than to put my pants on fire, when I’m real concerned over war and stuff.

PS: Pasting lyrics would make the post real big, but then, what the heck….

Looking out at the road rushing under my wheels
Looking back at the years gone by like so many summer fields
In sixty-five I was seventeen and running up one-o-one
I dont know where Im running now, Im just running on

Running on - running on empty
Running on - running blind
Running on - running into the sun
But Im running behind

Gotta do what you can just to keep your love alive
Trying not to confuse it with what you do to survive
In sixty-nine I was twenty-one and I called the road my own
I dont know when that road turned onto the road Im on

Everyone I know, everywhere I go
People need some reason to believe
I dont know about anyone but me
If it takes all night, thatll be all right
If I can get you to smile before I leave

Looking out at the road rushing under my wheels
I dont know how to tell you all just how crazy this life feels
I look around for the friends that I used to turn to to pull me through
Looking into their eyes I see them running too

Honey you really tempt me
You know the way you look so kind
Id love to stick around but Im running behind
You know I dont even know what Im hoping to find
Running into the sun but Im running behind

What do you say to that?

2006-07-09T21:02:00.000-05:00

Was that Anger?

Frustration of not getting support from others?

Retort?

Impulsiveness?

Stupidity?

What?

What could Materazzi have possibly said to make him do that??

The Sin City Adventure

2006-07-08T00:23:00.000-05:00

After walking this earth for almost 25 years, I finally made it to Las Vegas, the sin city. Last I heard or saw in movies, this city was filled of excitement and crazy stuff going round the clock. I found out that they even have slot machines installed on gas stations. You think of a place, and you can gamble there. I found it crazy that McDonald’s there haven’t yet installed any slots. Anyway, so here is how my own trip comes out.

Friday Night

I landed on airport at 10.30 PM and met Atul at baggage claim. He was already cursing me for checking in my bag and making us wait to enter the Vegas. To make things worse, the bag never arrived. Apparently, someone forgot to put the bag in flight from Atlanta itself and I had to finally wait in a long baggage claim queue. The bag arrived next day at the hotel.

We reached the hotel at 1 AM, and here is how it looked

It was tall; tallest in city. I never stayed in such a tall hotel. But it turned out that the tower is just the show off, the casino and main hotel building was on side. Tower had a few rides and the most romantic restaurant in town, which we had no use for. So we stayed there. Oh yes, we came down at 1.30 AM again to eat something and had our first touch of alcohol.

Saturday

We woke up at 7.30 in the morning for that England soccer match. But I fell asleep again and learned later, waked by Atul’s scream, that damned Rooney got a red card. England lost of course, and Atul almost lost his mind screaming all the abuse. Later, Brazil also lost. But we still somehow managed a long walk to the vegas strip. It was almost 2 miles, which Atul forced on me, with a burning sun, tanning everything with 115 degrees (F). We hopped around a few Casinos and there began my beginner’s luck. I won 40 dollars in a slot machine at Mirage. And out of those 40, 20 were Atul’s…;). Luck was with me after all, and I was thinking, “where the hell did that Murphy go?”. Anyway, we were back into the hotel casino by late evening and I won another 40 on a blackjack table, can you believe it?

I was +80 by now. Even after walking all day in Atul's t-shirt. Now to tell you, in gambling, many people have to lose in order that the few may win. Atul was among the many to loose, and I was among the few who won. But a man's got to make at least one bet; else he could be walking around lucky and never know it. I made a bet, and it was my lucky day.

Sunday

Started the day with a phone call from Atul’s Mexican friend at 10 to get up and get ready by 11. We were to go to hoover dam. To give a snap of how deep that was, take a look. I think it’s the biggest dam in world. (Damned blogger isn't letting me upload the picture. Well, will do that later).

In the evening we hopped around 8-10 Casinos including all the ones shown in Ocean’s Eleven. Man, it was amazing walking amidst the filthiest rich guys in the world, who could afford playing at a 1000 dollars minimum bet table. Most of them were Japnese. I can simply waste many pages if I start describing all the people and places there. So I leave it to your imagination.

Sin city never lets you get away with your money. That’s how they even out all the free drinks they give. This evening, I lost all my 80 dollars which I won yesterday, and I was even now. Atul lost a few more bucks. Poor chap never even won a single dime. Bad luck needs no explanation. And I guess, neither does good.

Monday

I started the day with checking my luck for the day and played 10 dollars on a slot machine. I lost it all, in a row, without a single win. It was a sign to caution me. But casinos wouldn’t be making so much money if people started having so much of a self control.

And I was still all excited to screw the casino, ignoring the slot machine’s gesture, and get away with all the winnings and free drink, and show them that not everyone they can fool. I started on a blackjack pit and soon converted my 40 bucks into 100. I Somehow managed to get up with winning and controlling my desire to win some more. But as we hopped on from table to table, we finally picked the table which was about to blow everything up.

In the beginning, it started all right and I soon converted my 100 to 150. But soon it was proved that gambling with cards or dice or stocks is all one thing. It's getting money without giving an equivalent for it. How else do you explain four 21s in a row in a game of blackjack? The table screwed everyone, including me, and the fact that I was doubling my bet with each loss (that’s how I made the money initially) I soon lost all 150 and 100 more. Seemed like I didn’t only believe in miracles, but depended on them. Atul did tell me in between to bet 5 instead of doubling. But I betted 5 chips instead of 5 dollar, and lost it all. It sucks. I wasn’t enjoying it anymore, and I quit. I was -150 now. Murphy dude was back.

I finally made up my mind to see some dances after so much of loosing, although loosing was part of fun, but a promise made by Atul to someone screwed that plan too. A promise is a promise, and now I have to handle all the mocking coz of not seeing even a single dance. That too in Vegas. Damn.

We finalized our trip by loosing some more and taking a walk again to the strip. Had the best time with some more drinks amidst a free city… loud music... and streets packed with crowd, with no one caring about anything. It was surely a cool trip and I will remember it in time to come... Vegas Baby!!!

To the bottle I go

2006-06-27T22:32:00.000-05:00

Ho! Ho! Ho! to the bottle I go
To heal my heart and drown my woe.
Rain may fall and wind may blow,
And many miles be still to go,
But under a tall tree I will lie,
And let the clouds go sailing by

-- J R R Tolkein in LOTR

Only three more days to go for the Vegas trip….;)… I can’t wait… Everything seems to be in place… With the hotel booked already, the only problem which remains is where to watch the Germany-Argentina match next morning. But Atul will sure find a way … ;). And anyways, there is much more than Germany-Arg game to look out for …. !! ;))

I have to catch a flight at 5 PM from Columbia… Take a halt of almost 3 hours in Atlanta and reach Vegas at 10.30 PM. I gain 3 hrs of course. Having taken leave for Monday, gives a four day full n’joy… ;))

PS: Changing the title of the blog, without much thinking of course. Got bored of the previous one actually… ;)

And thus I evolve

2006-06-20T01:32:00.000-05:00

Weekdays are always hard to get up in the morning. Not that weekend is any easier, but weekdays are harder. The need for sleep is never fulfilled and one can always use a couple of more hours. And in an effort to not waste even 5 minutes of sleep, I take pleasure in waking up exactly at the precise moment and not a minute earlier, calculated using a complex algorithm incorporating all the factors such as time taken to brush teeth, taking bath and combing hair and deciding whether to skip shaving, even bath and even the you-know-which thing. But despite every muscle movement being meticulously planned for the morning get ready schedule, it is a bizarrely incredible truth that the algorithm fails invariably and each time I have to wonder, what went wrong??

And getting late for the office finally sucks. Now I swear on my project manager that I don’t mean to. I tried many things like taking a bath and changing my underwear one day in advance, but all these efforts just turns out like crap loads of Tiger’s kidneys. Tiger is the name of the three legged stray dog I used to see around a colony. I make it a point each morning to get to bed early and wake up on time, but hoping this to actually happen is like hoping for a zero balance, free check in account offered to me by World Bank for all my efforts towards world peace.

And then there are these zillions of mind bogglingly useless channels on TV. Trying to find something viewable turns out to be as desperate an effort, like I read somewhere, shitting on Mt. Everest to make it an inch taller. I’m lucky that I have this talent to enjoy wondering at the inherent stupidity they put in about anything useless which shows up on some random channel. And thus I recently watched a program called “Before the Dinosaurs” on discovery channel. Trying to mock it in some way, I suddenly realized that the guy on the program is continuously claiming that all the ugly fishes on screen are his true ancestors. This more or less makes fishes my ancestors too, I guess. It bewildered me because I thought it was monkeys. And until monkeys it was all fine, I don’t eat them. But now it is making me guilty that I eat my own tasty ancestors on a regular basis…that’s insane??

That interested me. So I opened wikipedia.com and decided to find out some more about it. Having seen all the episodes of Friends, Ross had already told me fairly well that I have to start with theory of evolution and Mr. Charles Darwin. Here you can ask the obvious question that why didn’t I watch the program itself instead of wikipedia, Angelina Jolie always takes preference over dinosaurs, just like MTV takes over Discovery.

So I searched “evolution” on wikipedia and was scared as a first reaction when the result page opened with more links than hairs on my head. Still managing to go through a few of them like Theory of Natural Selection and Genetic variation, I finally gave up when they started looking like Baba Ramdev’s yoga program going bizzare and completely over my head. Also, all my roommates had already turned into a bunch of Siddhus and started shouting upon me, having me spotted watching this slimy little useless show and even going to internet to check this out.

Although having increased the number of useless things I know and will never use by one, I still did learn something. Theory of natural selection told me that in each group, the one who adapts himself most to the surrounding environment is more likely to survive. Finally getting the gist of the survival of the fittest, I quickly concluded that this is the reason for all the politicians being corrupt in the country and they are continuously goring it on the account of adaptability. And in a desperate effort to survive and adapt to the environment, I made a strict resolution to drink coke on a more regular basis from now on and make more frequent visits to McDonalds. I also gave a deep thought on how can this be used to somehow to select one of the “achhe ghar ki ladki” when I finally become desperate to get married and being turned into a Mr. Yogi by my family…

Anyway, for more updates, I went to a mall at Spartanburg (a place near by) on Saturday for shopping. Personally, I think gnawing one’s own leg is more fun than shopping and I usually hate to shop. One of the reasons for this hatred is my natural ability to suck at this thing called shopping. I know many of my friends who have already sworn on their girlfriends and wives, to never to go shopping with me again. But I figured that a good long drive would be a nice way to kill some time and I can use some window shopping and bird watching in hot US weather. Summer time is a pretty cool time in US because of all the sweet and considerate ladies taking good care of your eyes and not wearing anything below knees.

And driving in US is fun unless you have just landed in the country and feel like puking when the car is going smooth without any ditches or bumps on the road. This is unlike Indian roads, whose sole purpose is to take care of the population crisis going on, and the fortunate people who get home safe feel even luckier then Imran Hashmi.

And the traffic is so good and smooth here that it actually sometimes makes you wonder about the fokatness of these folks. It feels like everyone is waiting for everyone else and there no hurry. Even the dogs here have become so damn stubborn they will keep on standing in the middle of the ignoring all your efforts to blast your horn. That shows the confidence level grown over time that every one has time to wait and nobody will run over him, no matter what.

Anyway, having read almost two paragraphs in-depth on “evolution” from wikipedia.com, I have started believing strongly in it. This is how new species comes to existence and bacteria evolved to dinosaurs and then back to lizards and monkey and man. Evolution shows us that the saying, every dog has its day is true. And even if it sounds altogether unconvincing, I hope to someday evolve into a species which wakes up early, eats a nice breakfast, gets to office on time and can actually have some fun shopping. Now anyways its time for dinner, so while I evolve, let me go and taste a few of my ancestors…

No Quarter-Life Crisis After All

2006-06-14T21:32:00.000-05:00

Last couple of days were usual and satisfying in many aspects. Like most of the chat and phone conversations starting with my favorite single liner - “Abey Zeher”. For unfortunate those of you who are not yet acquainted with the use of this golden word “zeher”, it is a universal adjective (or expression or whatever) which fits everything, and whose versatility can only be compared with the f-word. For example, a statement like - “Abey yaar, aaj zeher macha diya!!” – could mean absolutely anything ranging from a “goddam fixed the whole damn car” to “bloody wrecked it” to “bloody wrecked it and the damned dog died!!” . Now of course, I didn’t do any of the above, if you thought this is where this post is going. My posts usually go nowhere. Last two days were pretty usual, with me noticing all kinds of insignificant and boring stuff around me.

Like at a fair well lunch party on Monday. Having eaten more food than what my enzymes can ever consume and all the Italian music around, I almost dozed off while trying to keep my ears open. I mean, who wouldn’t with 14 zeher alien guys clutching a table overlaid with all the food on it and pretend-laughing at two plus two four type American jokes. It usually goes like this –

“I have eyebrows….”

HAHAHAHAHA
LOL
ROTFL

BULLSHIT!!!

I mean, common man, even our Navjot Siddhu can “deliver” better jokes than that.

And going by the American trend, the restaurant guys had to give 14 separate checks for each one of us. Mine was 13 dollars and my distended belly told me that I had every single penny utilized. I threw a typical quick satisfied desi look of “paaisa vasool” and ended up making waiter’s day by throwing two extra bucks. He deserved those for his exemplary performance in remembering which check goes to whom. After all the food and pretend-laughing, I tried to rush out of the place but had to slow down to show my respect to all the attractive ladies in the room, giving a hard stare to every single one of them singing “Aasman main …….. kitne tare?”. “Tadadaon”….

Pathetic is what my thinking is.

And later when at my office chair I was suddenly awakened by my neighbor’s telephone ring, I abruptly blurted “Lag li !!”. Last thing I remembered was the garbage man I saw outside half an hour back picking garbage faster than I type. So I concluded its enough. Let’s try and get something done…. Something real intelligent…. But my super motivated ambitiousness soon died away and anyways, it was time to leave. Although not much to do at home too, but at least I can sleep there with not more then one telephone around to bother me.

If you ever enter my house, it has a nice view, like you are at some American house or something. But I barely keep it as an American one. The first thing you will notice is all the free space we have whose impeccable continuity is abruptly cut off by a gorgeous half-sofa. Half-sofa because, one, it’s a single 3 seater with other parts missing, and two, it seems like we bought it from Akbar, in his days, lying as it is. And a TV, lying on the floor just like me. And I don’t usually take anyone to the bedroom coz he may topple down with all the wires and stuff for internet, phone and other telecommunication devices. It seems like a bloody spider man’s room. In fact, spider-man would be a pretty happy guy to live in my apartment with all the dead spiders being spotted all the time, and the living ones taking a carefree park stroll on the carpet. Of course, the cockroaches leave them alive coz they’re on friendly terms with spiders which developed over time.

I sometimes suspect that if all this lying around and sitting idle attitude continues for some more time, I’ll end up my life sleeping on my half-sofa. You see, if your neighbor’s phone is awakening you and spiders don’t matter, then boy, you should go see some sadhu baba who can cure you with some jadi-buti etc. And the tragedy is that even I don’t understand how in heavens I get things done around. Sometimes I feel it is just by good God’s grace that I can at least wipe myself each morning.

And it will be more tragic if somehow my mom reads this post. She’d regret my not getting married before this trip even more than my not choosing one myself. “Mom!! I was so busy with studies, never got a chance for all this ;)”. Yeah right, what a strong hold on reality!!. But now think about it, Marriage?? Boy, I’m still 24. I still like to go out to parties a lot, like hanging out with friends and argue over ridiculous stuff. And marriage at this age? Whoa…Who am I…..Ross?? Still, even with all that stuff going on in my mind there’s a part of it yelling something real good….”But no quarter-life crisis after all !!” ;)….

Anyway, now I’ll get the f-word out of here and spare all the guys killing time reading this post and screaming “Dimaag ka .... fried rice .... mat kar ... umm”….

Things I want to delete

2006-06-11T22:49:00.000-05:00

After looking at the crap I wrote in my last post, I feel like writing again. Not that I have anything specific in mind, but because I don’t want it to be on top. And I don’t feel like deleting it. There is a lot crap in this world, but you just can’t go and delete it. You see, can you just go and delete Salmaan Khan or Mr. George Bush? Personally, I would like to delete few of my office hours, but there are things you just have to live with.

And these days, a “feeling” to write something comes to me with each Indian wicket falling in a cricket match. That means “all the times” if you didn’t get what I meant (except today, they really played well today ;)). And then my mom calling every 12 hours asking “aaj kya khaya beta” and me always choosing one out of three most of the time “Aaj chhole khaye mummy” or “Aaj raajma” or “Pohe” gives an indication how far my world goes. Now even she is bored of these answers and wants to listen to something else as much as I want to cook and eat something else. So I get worried about my writing and cooking skills. And then Atul telling me all the grammatical errors I do, make me feel like a typical mithunda movie writer. I like him telling me this stuff and I am sincerely trying to improve, but I find it difficult to understand the difference between “I didn’t think” and “I didn’t thought”. Atul told me that the first one is correct and second is not; I don’t have a clue. He suggested using Microsoft Word, but its extra AI sometimes gets on my nerve and irritates me even more than Himesh Reshamiya. But in the end, that don’t bother me much. I’ll keep writing that way; grammar will improve with time, if it does.

And then in an attempt to at least increase my vocab a bit, I tried using a thesaurus. I was almost tempted to change the title of this post to “Affairs I crave to obliterate”. But then even I thought that I am about to write about some of the national political affairs which we got to protest. Which of course, I'm not. I have no clue about current affairs except for reservation and petrol price hike and I don't plan to protest yet. I only plan to use my bicycle to office and start some fraud business like printing false SC/ST/OBC certificates to make a lot of money so that my kids don't have to worry about "Aata daal petrol" etc. I became so disturbed that I gave up thesaurus.

And then the topics I choose to write. They change more often than a bollywood heroine’s clothes in a song. If I don’t write something immediately on a topic that comes to my peanut sized head, there is a high probability that I will forget it within an hour. And if I don’t write about it for one day, I’ll most probably get bored of it. Well, there are lots of things which I now feel I should not have stopped or suspended by the reasoning of getting bored, like guitar, chess and well, some books. But more importantly, there are many more things which I would just want to delete from existence. So let me quickly write about them before I forget them or get bored of the entire topic.

1. Murphy

I can go any length to delete this bastard out of the Solar System if I can. He can continue to live in other galaxies, if he wants to, but not Milky Way. The story of my hatred to this guy is eternal. There can be a separate list and post about the damage this omnipotent guy had done to life of earthlings, zillions of time.

2. Ayurvedic massage experience at Kerla

This was one of the worst experiences I ever had in my life. No, the “guy” who gave me the massage was not bad, but the experience of getting a massage from his was soul disturbing. I felt violated. And all you corrupted-brain people out there, whom I right now suspect laughing their bladder off, should know that nothing unusual happened. This is the normal way those massages are given. But I think he is the first and the last guy in the whole damn world who has seen me in that state after I grew up. Moreover, getting a bath from him has emotionally damaged me forever. He charged 250 bucks for that massage but trust me; I would have paid 500 more anytime in between just to get the hell out of there. Only I couldn’t, coz I didn’t had any clothes on. :(

3. Chemistry

This thing haunted me throughout my school life. My life became somewhat like Little Saddam Hussain.

“Saddam, are you playing with those of yours weapons of mass destruction again?”
“Abhishek, are you not studying that Chemistry again?”

For some reason, even though I was good at maths, I never got hold of all the A, B, Cs and 1, 2, 3s and all those geometrical figures used in chemistry. For example, stuff like benzene disturbed me. Some guy dreams about some snakes, which are lying on ground almost dead, in the shape of a ring; instead of running his balls off, he names it benzene. And then makes everybody else learn it!? I just don’t get it. I see a lot of dreams, but I don’t go and develop any computer algorithms out of them.

4. Salmaan Khan’s Tere Naam waali hairstyle

It was ok till only Salman Khan had that hair in that movie. But the problem expanded when the hair style spread like Methyl Isocyanate from Union Carbide in Bhopal. And it is nauseating to see guys keeping their oily hair in that style, talking to their girlfriends and giving you a “your-hairstyle-sucks-and-I-have-a-gf” kinda look. Even my brother had that for some time. I had to really make a real lot of fun to make him get rid of it.

5. Mr. Arjun Singh

No further comments needed. He is one of the most ridiculous guys in recent times.

And many more. But post is already getting big enuf. Think about it, what would you delete from your life, if you could?

And I recently noticed that there is a lot of ridiculous and bizarre stuff happens to me all day. And I decided to keep a track of all that and come up with a conclusion in a single statement. And to record that, I created another blog called “Statement of the Day”. You are most welcome to visit the blog and challenge or comment on any of the statements.

While in the State of Trance …

2006-06-10T21:18:00.000-05:00

The Sixth Sense seems like an amazing movie.
You try to look, walk and talk normal.
You know you’re talking too much or too less.
You know you’re talking about stuff you shouldn’t be talking about.
You think a lot of non-sense.
You want to eat.
You want to sleep.
You know it’s good.
You know it sucks.
You know it’s gonna suck next day.
And you know you’ll want to be in trance next day …

Soccer Mania Begins…

2006-06-08T20:29:00.000-05:00

So Atul sent this excel sheet today. It had all these names of teams and dates and times that made no more sense to me than Chinese language. It was about Soccer World Cup 2006. We have to predict about every game and put points and all. Now the first problem I faced was the truth that I have more knowledge of aliens then I would ever know about football and the name of the teams sounded like chemical formulas, which, by the way, were one of my biggest problems growing up.

Now these are the days when I can easily be given award for being the greatest idle of all times. “Indian Idle”, if you will. So I can easily imagine you thinking that I’d fill the sheet anyway. And I concur one hundred percent to that. Just a few minutes before typing this line, I was staring at my wall and wondering about absence of any lizards on it. I was wondering about what if we put some lizards and ants and spiders and stuff in this typical US ambiance. Would it be declared that government has failed people and Bush loose election? I kept thinking like that and actually moved on to crabs and grasshoppers and stuff, but that’s not the point at all.

We may be busy more then Bill Gates and think ourself intelligent more then Thomas Edison, for this silly mundane stuff, but this is kinda stuff which keeps people in touch. Work comes and goes, tough times too, but friends remain. Believe me; once you get out of touch with someone, it takes years to get back to same level, sometimes never. And even if we don’t have any interest in football or world cups or Italy or France, we should give its due importance to such things. It keeps friendship alive and keeps life interesting. Of course, in my case, that means it gives me something to do ;). And you don’t feel out of touch. So friends, buckle up to fill the sheet, you don’t always have important and necessary stuff to do.

Enuf preaching, hope you get the message. If I care enuf to pull this much crap, you should at least go ahead and fill ;). Now let me get back to that dumb sheet… I’m going to follow the whole damned world cup… ;))

And one last thing…darn blogger is down and they are saying sorry. Information Technology sucks sometimes. IT does not always stick to defined process, processes are not always right, people don’t always follow the right process and they are not always the right people… err…said too much…??

Mahabharata and a Grain of Rice

2006-06-08T00:44:00.000-05:00

One more remarkably beautiful day was spent lethargically, sitting in my cube today with no window nearby. Even Rahul ‘High’ Mahajan wud be having more fun in jail then me. And after today's flashback, the last rocking month of running my blog like Agnibaan (a daily Hindi newspaper, if you ever read it. It will print anything and everything but news) sounds like Hawaii. Philosophically speaking, there are multiple reasons for it.

The first and most important one would be the relaxed feeling I had after my realization of the fact that people would remember me, as Chandler says, only by my ass print on the office chair. Phew!! All the pressure building upon me was gone. The only thing for which I was sad was the fact that the wildest thing I ever did, riding my bike on Indore streets, was recently pushed to second place by my riding a roller coaster. And precisely at that “moment of ecstasy”, I uncovered the fact that my top-priority-concept-defying project needed some final help from a person for a major ‘so-called’ breakthrough. I was all excited and was sitting on my chair admiring the beautiful day and the joined-recently girl I just saw outside when I was told the truth, “We will get every help we need only when we get all the funding, which we’ll get once we make a breakthrough”. “This just like one of the Dilbert jokes”, I chuckled, “What a catch 22 situation. Joseph Heller would be thrilled having his concept concreted once more.”

And then occurred the next realization, while I was busy creating niece and nephews of all the bugs there are. I had spent hours cracking those i, j, k type variable and I hadn’t had a clue what the hell they are. The questions like “Why am I? Who am I? What’s the purpose of my visit to mother earth??” seemed like two plus two in front of them. I was almost asleep when I became particularly confidant that even fitting a nut to a bolt is more accurate technology then software. Then I remembered an incident happened way back.

This was the time when I went to my lovely old village after my first US trip and was in state of trance for being treated no less then Amitabh Bacchan. The people in village have all the time in the world for their chit chat and gossip and relaxation. Everyone there, who was as much as related to me as David Beckham to Dhanraj Pillai, flocked around me like I was some new three-legged-gorilla at zoo. And then they were joined by more who were passing by for some reason. I had seen these many people last time only when Mahabharata was being telecast and the only television was at Sarpanchji’s place. I felt like I’m naked and everyone was watching me instead of that Mahabharat episode.

After all the usual “Amreeka kaisa hota hai?” “wahan ped paudhe janwar alag hote hain kya?” “whan aadmi ke teen haath hote hain kya?” types questions, public went to the state of America’s silent admiration and began some serious talking among themselves. I started feeling less important and more relaxed. One of the things they do in village is fruitfully utilize all their time on most useless topics of value as much as I would care about a stray dog in Siberia.

Somebody had recently heard about whole Mahabharata being written on a grain of rice and he told everybody else about it. This grain, as Agnibaan would say, was found recently somewhere by some archeologist, and was believed to be thousands of years old. Every pair of eye present turned to me to ask the prodigal question.

“Can this compooter of yours write the whole Mahabharata on a grain of rice??”. I was dumbfounded. Instead of “How the hell in world would I know about it?” came my natural response, “No way could a computer could ever do that!!!!”. I only said that because I knew the other one would make me sound stupid and I was being treated like I'm Einstein. This is like Arjun Singh answering “Yes, 30% quota for OBC would fix everything!!”, when asked a question about making our rockets better.

After all the computer thing being declared overrated and the phenomenon that “even a thousand years back we were more advanced then Amreeka” being established, everyone seemed so proud of India that even I felt patriotic. I even started thinking about quitting my job and joining some manufacturing plant and get the position of a person in charge of all the nuts and bolts.

Then I thought about this email being forwarded to me somewhere in past –
“We keep our back to the future, look to the past, and piss on our present”.

But they remained proud for such a long time that they didn’t even thought about leaving the compooters and amreeka alone. They must not be having anything better to do.

Now after these many manifold self-realizations, as you might be speculating, I didn’t go running off the streets questioning me and my car’s existence but decided to wake up and established that its time to leave. After full day of tough sleep in chair with dustbin used as a foot rest and pretend-to-be-intelligent if somebody comes over and always keeping a notepad in hand to make people think I’m going to a meeting, I was overjoyed that it was time to leave ;). May be someday I’ll write a software that can write the whole Mahabharata on a rice grain and there’ll be more then my ass-print to remember me with ;)).

Orkut sab dikhata hai!!

2006-06-04T23:12:00.000-05:00

OK. So I admit that I eavesdropped a scrap conversation going on between hero of ek chhoti si love story part – I and one of our common good friends. Orkut is a funny thing. People love to scrap on orkut and think that nobody else knows. But they do. Its like when a cat closes its eyes while drinking milk out of a kitchen vessel and thinks nobody else is watching her. So this is between hero of ek story– I and one of our common good friend, read this:

Friend: i was expecting some fun when Abhishek wrote that story ... you let it go in just one comment ...
Hero: When people write such lies abt u the best thing is to Ignore :)..
Friend: so u think this one was a lie and abhishek shud write abt other stories ;-)
Hero: he he he... tht depends on how he writes.. credible stories with atleast some semblance of truth may be ok.
Hero: waise bhi venks and y2 uski jindagi haram kar denge.. so my work is done :)

So it becomes my moral responsibility to answer the doubts raised in above conversation.

1. They were not all lies.
2. Hero can keep on ignoring if he wants to, like the cat I mentioned above.
3. If hero thinks that his work is done, he should better think again. World is still waiting to see the future of Lali and Lallan.
4. I am writing ok I guess. So by induction law (or whatever) it means that these are credible stories with atleast some semblance. “A lot” I would rather say. I was there and I have seen that. ;).
5. My suggestion: arrey bhai, bhagwaan ne email banaya hai, jhoot us par bolo, Why scrap on orkut?

Finally to friend: Cummon man, dig the truth. You can do that, I know.

Now you should know that I am not desperate to prove to world that I am right or anything, but I have right to deny any false accusations. Unless all three decide to attack me…in that case I should better use my right to remain silent!!...

Fat Neck Saturday

2006-06-04T00:56:00.000-05:00

Hello. This is Saturday. I have already written once today and writing again. There is nothing else to do. OK, there is. But I don’t want to do. My clothes can tolerate one more day of filth. If I can, they can too. If they can't, they should go see Mallika Sherawat and be done with. Weeks don’t matter when they have seen months. I will wash them tomorrow. I swear.

It must be hard being my laptop. Being slammed all day. Everyday. That too by fingers. Disgusting. I think that is why it fractured itself. As a sign of protest. But I am taking a stance like Indian Govt. I will keep slamming it. Using fingers. God bless Priyanka Chopra.

I am feeling lazy. But am not able to sleep. Already slept for 14 hours. I feel like writing but not long sentences. I don’t know why. May be that way laptop will have less trouble. Everything seems stupid. Even Rajneekant. But not Govinda yet.

I am talking to my mom. She says I am getting fat. If your mom says you are fat, man, that means you are real fat. Like a sumo wrestler. She says my neck is getting even fatter then me. Fat like a banyan tree trunk. She is suggesting some sort of neck exercise. Sounds like a tamil movie dance with neck steps, to and fro. Do exercise and try to rotate neck in some angle. May be she means 37.5 degrees. I’ll ask Govinda or Mithunda. Neck should not be fat. I believe she is right. Why should neck be fat? She is saying connect your webcam. I am afraid that she will see my dirty room. I don’t want her to see my dirty room. But I guess she already knows that it would be a dirty room. I like my dirty room. Dirty room comes to me naturally. I can find anything in a dirty room in a click. I don’t even have a clue in clean room. Clean room sucks.

I bought two t-shirts from walmart last week. None of them fits. Too big. Walmart knows my future. They are intelligent people. Walmart to which I go has McDonald’s too. Their chicken burger rocks. I think they know that. That is why they keep only big t-shirts. And label them small. Everyone wins this way. I like win-win situation. I get this feedback every six months.

Neeraj asked me to come to zoo tomorrow. I told him to come to my place. Then he won’t need to go there either. I don’t need zoo. Zoo sucks. It has animals. Why should I go see animals? I have not even seen my guitar for ten days now. I hope he’s alright. It must be hard being a guitar too. Being played by everyone. But it creates nice music. One day maybe he’ll let me play a full song without slipping notes. Guitars have a way of making your fingers slip. Laptops do not. That’s why I spend more time with my laptop.

I had a nice talk with a gas station cashier today. She was American. Said her mother’s husband was Indian. I was confused. But she sounded ok. A bit confused about Indian food though. She was asking about roti and dough. But I didn’t let out any of our secrets. I am a patriotic guy. Why should I tell her? She should ask her mother’s husband. Then I started thinking about her dad’s wife. And then her husband’s mother. Also her mother’s husband’s child. Who’s who? It must be hard being American. Everyone is confused.

My net connection is screwed up. It is fed up too, I guess. Dies anytime it wants to. It believes in free will I guess. I don’t believe in free will though. It’s a phony thing. They are making me go same place for four years now. Every single morning. Except weekend. Weekends too sometimes. It’s not my will. Free will sucks. I need a real will. A will from some distant filthy rich uncle. Nominating me as his heir. And dying soon then. Laugh at me if you must. But this is what my day was today. Guilty all day of my fat neck. I wish people didn't had necks. That way everybody would look like an owl. Not just me. And down with all the burgers!!

Sir, the car you just booked is wrecked!!

2006-06-03T14:19:00.000-05:00

There are a few things in my life which just don’t fit. This is stuff like an organized desk, a clean bed, can’t-pass-everything-for-tomorrow waala funda, having a girlfriend, getting up early etc. For that matter even getting up (don’t even dream about early) doesn’t fit. Every day my roomie has to kick me twice to make me get up and I have heard he is now planning to hire a professional team of 7.30-AM-brain-expert doctors to at least make me open my eyes.

And this is not the end of the list. Now I don’t know if there’s something wrong with my zodiac sign or what but everything that I develop a liking for is rammed in some way. Around one or two weeks back when I called rental company for a car exchange they told me there is a Hyundai Sonata available. Man, its one of my fav cars. I really liked it. I got what was kinda most luxurious version, the kind which I thought only Bill Gates or George Bush enjoyed. I even kinda started climbing the tree by my patio to make an announcement and tell everybody about it.

But guess what, I only drove it for like 3 days, and some deer in his afterlife decided to appear beneath my car and ruin the silencer. I think it was his idea of the Moksha. That bastard. So I was all set up to call the rental company again. And sure enough, they had another Sonata available. It was a version not as advanced as the last one but at least to the level to Amir Khan I suppose. I tried not to like it, because I was already driving a better car before that, but man, the pick up was so damn good that I thought I could beat Michael Schumacher in a race. But yesterday we decided to go out for lunch, it was a Friday. And somebody wrecked our car in parking while we were eating our delicious Mexican food. After the police report and all I called the rental company again. Definitely making sure there’s no Sonata this time, I booked an Impala. A spacious car, I liked it. But the most ridiculous thing was yet to happen. The guy from rental company called back in about half an hour and said “Sir, I’m sorry, but the car you just booked is wrecked, and it was the last Impala we had!!”. It must be really sad for him to tell me that. Screw it. I immediately declared publicly that I’m never going to wear one of those “I love my wife” t shirts ever.

I don’t like the things I like. I remember that day I bought my laptop. Man, I loved it. I don’t know how in world its possible, but it managed to somehow crack its sides itself. All four corners. And since the day I fixed it with “quick fix” and got detached from it, it is working as smooth as it ever could have. If I try to remember far back which is what seems like, stone age, back in standard V, I bought a football. Boy, I had hard time convincing my parents to buy me that. But sure enough. First kick. A prickle somewhere. Ball punctured. Me beaten. I bet if I start liking Taj Mahal somehow, all Americans will have to find something else to refer to India with. If you still don’t believe and wanna know more, I crashed my own car back in India at my house’s entrance, the first day I bought it. There was a small scratch in wall also after that. Now this is not as bad as Veer Zaara but it sucks. Shit happens. Can’t help it.

And finally those who are wondering why did I change my blog’s color/template and all must know that I liked the last one and I don’t as much this one. I have my ways to defy stars. I can’t help it, but I like Aishwarya Rai too… Iski to…

Raindrops keep falling on my head

2006-06-01T21:36:00.000-05:00

I heard this song today and it hovered my head all day -

Raindrops keep falling on my head... And just like the guy whose feet
are too big for his bed, nothing seems to fit. Those raindrops are
falling on my head, they keep falling.

So I just did me some talking to the sun. And I said I didn't like the
way, he got things done... sleeping on the job... those raindrops are
falling on my head, they keep falling.

But there's one thing I know: The blues they send to meet me won't
defeat me. It won't be long till happiness sleps up to greet me.

Raindrops keep falling on my head but that doesn't mean my eyes will
soon be turning red. Crying's not for me cause I'm never gonna stop
the rain by complaining. Because I'm free. Nothing's worrying
me.

And I kept thinking about it. It’s typically me. I usually spend significant part of my day about complaining stuff. I sometimes even complain about all the complaining going on in the world. Looks like all the complaining I do is just a temp phase and it’ll soon be over, or not. It actually sometimes does too. It helps me think clear. Having all the Amir Khan, Quota, Afganistan, American Vs Indian Jury System, work issues and Europian Union (Like the heck I know what it is?) right out of the way, I can concentrate more on my regular complaining stuff and chill out.

I always dream (and assume) myself to be the one who is immune to everything going around. Even if Talibans defeat America and India in world war III, I dream myself chilling out having a beer at some joint. Driving my almost rotten (I don’t know why its rotten, but it is) car, like in one in those Texas Cowboy movies, taking halts on roadside and never care about any second thing except for how much gas is remaining. And a sexy lady by my side. Man, would it be terrible to live like a bum? Do bums get sexy ladies? I don’t know.

I meet tons of people everyday and for most of them I pray “God!, never turn me into one of those”. But deep inside me I know I am. If someday somebody tells me “Your car is wrecked!!”, instead of “Chill out man, don’t worry about it” I would definitely freak out saying “What the fuck? which fucker did it!!?”. It is as inevitable as when your mouth spreads wide open to look up a bird on a tree which just dropped, or while staring at a cleavage. Can’t help it. Doesn’t matter how desperately you try to be someone you are not, you become precisely yourself at the precisely most crucial moment. It’s like a phenomenon. It kills me.

Those who have heard Tom Petty’s song “free fallin’” would know what breaking free means. However enticing the world in lucid dream sounds, what dreads me is what if it turns into something like a teenage daddy, resulting out of some high school mess. Bizarre thoughts like that always tend to stop us doing what we really want. “I want to become a President!!” is a fine dream alright, but I’ve been made to remember “It ain’t gonna happen, looser!!”.

The air is crisp and trees are green. The blowing wind makes my hair feel good. Windows are open and car is driving on 75 miles an hour cruise alright. The car next to mine is overtaking as peacefully as possible. FM 96.7 is playing one of my favorite songs. There’s no one else in the car. And as the alchemist says “Its the possibility of having a dream come true which makes life interesting”, I still believe that “whimsical me” would take me to places I always wanted to be and even though I’m not like it, I can at least keep saying “abbey hatta, Dil pe mat le yaar… ;)”

Destiny in Disguise

2006-05-31T23:11:00.000-05:00

Can't say this story is a short one. The Tall and Dark hero we have this time has a long history of defying even CIA and KGB of his activities. There's always a lot going on with him, you can never tell. His life seems some kinda 007 movie. He's also a motivator as hell. If he tells you to go to Afganistan, there is a hundred and ten percent chance that you will. Don't take no chances with him, he can make you do anything. And the worst part is that he has a goddam lot many stories. I'll hate to write that much about anyone. Only if you knew about him one-fourth of as much as I know, and I only know about one-tenth of what actually is, you'll say "Goddamn!!". His part itself can make about ten crazy stories in all, but I'll try to shrink, I may even leave apart a couple of ‘em and not mention a few important events at all.

Anyway, as I was saying, his career took off with the finest possible start there is; on a bench. I know he won't mind me mentioning it now coz he ended up all well, had loads of time to think, loads of time to flirt and all. And that’s exactly the reason why he leaned more towards jabber and late night phone calls then any other crap. Jabber, the chat client used at that time, used to be his favorite and he was caught a lot many times chatting with some mysterious someone on the other side. Word was around that he also went out with that special someone quite a few times and the fish she used to cook for him were awesome. Later we found out it was a bong girl. Now if you know about them (bongs), they are flirtiest and dirtiest kinda girls there are. “That freaky lucky bastard”, those of you didn’t know about it would say, but you should understand him, he didn’t had anything else to do and he was despo!! (Boy, I’m a dead man again). Being on bench is good, in some ways. You can use half the time cursing the company and the other half planning your evening, chatting, flirting and thinking how to hide all this flirty crap from others. And if you are lucky, you can also get frustrated enough to do something great in life, like he did. Yes, the best motivation originates with the worst frustration. Though it’s not the only cause, you also have to be intelligent as hell. Leaving apart all the DIGression, I’ll lean on more towards the story now ;). So as I was saying, defying all the gravity, he was also caught climbing up the boundary wall to her place at times (nights mostly) to avoid the security guards and all who made him do an entry in security register. That killed me. This is what true love is, I used to think. But even after a lot many bowling games and sexy comments and spicy fishes, this story had an end. Our tall and dark hero lost battle to a short and fair one. Size does matter in the end. Sad.

But that was not the end after all and soon our hero fell in love again. That tall, dark and handsome(??) guy had a heart like an itch, never staying at one place and even going places it should never be, in first place, uhh!!. And there’s no itch guard for that. The worst part is that they even shared same work space, but he never caught a glimpse of what actually is going on. He made his best ever romantic plan to let his heart speak, on a valentine’s day, with goddam red roses and all but the damned devil was right with him. Right in front of him, he lost to a darned guy who had brains enough to propose well before valentine’s, knowing there’s a long queue. Or may be our hero got delayed because he was trying to say “I Love You” in hindi and learning to say “Main tumse pyar karta hoon!!?”. Who knows? Actually he is our brilliant, tall, dark, southy guy ;). Its amazing how one’s success can become misery of the other. Sad.

But Jesus H Christ!!, right after that he made a third story where he defied even the creepiest of spies in world. Even devil (and our Devil ;)) wasn’t aware of his intentions. But the horrible part is that I don’t feel like writing anymore. May be some other time. I’ll only say that this time he wasn’t cautious enough and ended up in the “friends” zone. One should always be cautious about that, it’s a huge risk ;). Our hero is still searching for his destiny in disguise ;). Enough said. I’ll stop here.

PS: Please post any question you have in mind at the comments section and someone will answer them, or not. If you are in some way related to the hero or the story and do not have a question in mind, good news, you can well hope to be the hero of the next one ;)). Silence will not save you.

I’ve only one thing to say at last (actually two).

Ishq kii daastaan hai pyaare
apanii apanii zubaan hai pyaare

rakh qadam phuuNk phuuNk kar naadaan
zarre zarre men jaan hai pyaare

Ek Chhoti Si Love Story - Part II

2006-05-27T23:55:00.000-05:00

All the overwhelming responses I got on my first story got me motivated to pick up my laptop again write the next one, although I'm still as scared as Ganguly is in front of Akhtar (Boy, he got mentioned two times in a row, he must be famous!!). Still, all of you must remember that never ever in history, any part-II was better than part-I except for Terminator and Lord of the Rings. So don't get all excited and be prepared for the worse. My grammar is still poor so I will again request you to put all commas and stuff at the right places yourself, if you feel like it.

This story goes way back when there was a gang of bunch of damn confidant idiots who were assured they were the most intelligent people and stuff. The hero of this story is the guy who motivated me to write the first one. But mind you, he is not the same guy who was the hero in the last one. Now I know it sounds like a dirty logic problem, but I don't care. I'm not going to take any names, no matter what. So here is how it all began.

People in this gang were so damn close to each other that each one of them knew almost 50% about everyone else and sometimes stuff they knew overlapped too. And they always used to fall for the same girl, at least three at a time. There may be a couple of reasons for that

1. Everyone thought alike (huh??).
2. There were no other options.

Anyway, you will get to know more about them but for now we will see more of our hero. Now he was different. As chilling as ever. Unlike others, he never fell for any girl, unless she got married or committed. I know you are thinking, It don't make no sense, right? But can't help it. He took his time in get-to-know-each-other stuff but finally time took his!! (read again and you'll understand).

Have you ever dreamed about License to Kill? Who would be the first one you kill if you had such a license?? Boy, give it a thought and you'll know everyone you hate and didn't notice. There is one more kind of license to kill. The one which you get after marriage or when everybody knows you are committed. Such guys can damn stare at girls for hours and nobody cares. They can keep on flirting for hours and nobody gives a damn. That is License to Kill. Boy, I know how much I want one, but before any marriage or commitment and all ;). Our hero kinda like had not the License to kill, but a license to chill like, forever. Man, he tells me he is never flirting while talking to girls, and I believe him. But girls fell for him left right and center. But you know what kinda girls he fell for ;). I just told you ;). Now they say that ignorance is bliss, but surely not in this case. Now can't say if its a sad end or happy end or no end or no story at all, but its for sure that only if hero wasn't so ignorant and a big bro type guy (now that's way back he was, or atleast everybody thought so), his life would have been different. Different as hell, I tell ya. As you must have guessed from all the above setup I made, the boy was late in falling for a girl. Much later then the time when girl fell for boy. O boy, it was quite an expression on his face (It was unbelievable and indescribable, I remember it as clear as moon in a cloudless night!!), when later he came to know about all the story. Now you know why I can't decide what kinda end is this. While our good ol' hero swears that he's over it, but let me tell what I learned from life. There is one more phenomenon you ought to know. And that is "Jhoolapan mitta nahi" or "Pyar marta nahi" or "Crush never dies". So my dear friend, Mr. Hero, no matter how much you try to convince me, I don't trust you.

Now there are many more stories associated with this one, but they'll come in later my complete short stories collection, once I find a decent publisher ;)). Meanwhile, keep reading the blog.

To Hero: Gustaakhi maaf, bhool chook leni deni.

PS: I'm in orlando today and I broke all records. It was an amazing day. For the first time in my third trip to universal studios, I tried Hulk, the mammoth roller coaster. And I liked it. I always thought I'm scared of heights, but it turns out, I'm not. I enjoyed it so much that I also rode dueling dragon, another roller coaster. It was a complete amazing day. Details would come in later. N'joy ;).

Ek chhoti si love story

2006-05-25T23:59:00.000-05:00

So here I am, about to dig my own grave. For first time writing a short story ever. Now I know that you won't believe me if I told you that this whole goddam story is hypothetical and bears no resemblance to anyone blah blah blah. So all I'm going to tell you is that the hero of the story is not me, definitely, and no way I am going to tell you the real name.

Now this is a story of sacred love beyond all bars and barriers, so no laughing please. Also you must remain cautious as you may not find all the commas and stuff at right places coz I have a lousy grammar. So here it goes.

There lived a boy and a girl. They worked at same place but never knew each other, just occasional hellos. The girl had nice jet black hair and fair color. Suddenly one fine morning when the girl came to work, her color remained all the same but the hair got all red, huh. The whole damn place was shocked!! It became the best damn story in weeks and girl rose all the way up to hall of fames despite all her efforts to remain at the rock bottom.

Finally one fine day all the celestial powers decided their (boy's and girl's) destiny and organized a cricket tournament at work. The best part of the play was neither batting nor bowling, but the all the hooting and comments. Its incredible how different people are on and off the ground. The boy was undoubtedly the meanest goddam bastard in the whole freakin' crowd except me. I know I'm the worst. Nobody's damn ass was spared by his comments and many people got their new "nick names" after the game. I know they'll never forgive him. (You must know that I've put in a little exaggeration here, but the story wouldn't sell without all this).

So as destiny had planned, finally the girl came to bat. But all the heavens must have shut their eyes and the hell must have broke loose, coz the boy was getting out of control. Destiny had no control over him and God finally decided to leave him alone. Inspired by the devil [you know who he is, we are all inspired by him ;)], he finally opened his goddam mouth again and screamed "Arey in laal baalon ka raaz kya hai!!?" means "what's the secret of your red hair?".

The whole goddam place was as shocked as Ganguly, when he was not taken into team (it was obvious for others though). This is exactly when the boy came to his senses and realized what had happened. He had crossed the line!! Destiny was as crushed as a bug beneath boots and boy was as depressed as characters in kabhi khushi kabhi gam. But this was not the end, destiny is not so easy to dodge afterall. After the match got over, the girl walked right up to the crowd and replied in a loud clear voice, "Loreal, Burgundy shade". The place was shocked third time in a row, although some lousy don't-care type guys were laughing their ass out (I was one of them). It was all like the 9/11, 3 planes already crashed, dunno where 4th's gonna end up. No matter, the girl got her new name, Burgundy, or commonly referred as "Laal baal waali ladki".

Anyway, destiny has its own way of working and nobody knows how these celestial and divine things work. In this era may be through web technology?? Phew...Finally they met on a famous website and they are scrapping happily ever after and I am scratching my head thereafter, what the hell happened??..... But no matter, I like happy endings ;))

PS: The girl removed her nice ol braces on her teeth and their kids are going to be named after them, LALI and LALLAN.

PS: PS: Those who didn't understand story at all and think that I'm a madman, yes you're right, I AM a madman. Never mind the story, I feel sorry for your wasted time... I really do :(.

PS: PS: PS: I know the hero is going to kill me. I'm not only a mad man, but a dead man. The End.

2006-05-23T23:04:00.000-05:00

"Changing your name more than once may be banned"

This incredible headline caught my attention today on TOI midst of all the fuss about the quota thing. Who the hell wants to change his name more then once anyways? And even if they do, why does the government has to bother about it? Now when you come to think of it, may be its like that Dilbert strip when the pointy haired boss calls a meeting coz its been days since he did anything managerial!!? "Lets change something, its been days fellas, lets do some amendments and stuff!!" I can hear our ministers shouting. Who the hell cares anyways, they think.

Now this is the point where my thought process has diverted (I don't have much of a "thought process" anyways, so as to speak). May be someday government will ban us all even having a name and people will just roam around streets, shouting all the numbers. Remember the FRIENDS episode where Chandler decides he has no name? Anyways, since government would not have any system to effectively track these numbers and of course you can always pay a few extra bucks to get the desired number, these numbers may again clash and somebody else can easily claim ownership of your car, mobile and stuff??

You don't believe that could happen right? OK, I tell you what, I had this long discussion with one of my good friends, Prayank, on amazingness (my spell check told thats not even a word, but my vocab is limited) of Rang de Basanti and its inherent flaws. Now despite of my being a lousy thinker and he being all intelligent and all, we were on agreement that some of the stuff ain't too practical; like that lousy public beating and our goddamn minister saying stuff about our young pilot and all. But if you recently read Karan Thapar's interview with Respected Mr. Arjun Singh, Amrish Puri in Nayak doesn't seem so fictional, does it? O Boy, does this country scare me??

Anyways, now for a split second, suppose people do stand united against this name change ban and all and all of a sudden Government decides to listen to us, huh??, and allows free name change. They can even decide to distribute licenses for this just like petrol pumps!! All the Nephews and Nieces of ministers will have licenses and will open their showrooms for names with big hoarding like "What name do you want today?" or "Have problems with girls? Change your name today and have a changed life!!" or may be "Do you want fame? Just change your name". And the advertisements could go like one of the deodorants, a lousy man going inside a shop, , changed name and the sexiest ladies you'd ever seen flock around him like anything. Boy, what a life would that be!!

Enuf said, So go now and get your name changed if you want, coz after a few days they may not allow you to do so...May be I'll try and change my blog's name?? Who knows.

50 Dollar Note

2006-05-21T23:43:00.000-05:00

It is not uncommon for us to go for a drive after dinner. Just for the heck of it. We like it. Its like one of the best time we spend throughout the day. Put on our favorite music and take our car for a spin, that's what we do ;).

But today was different. Now Some people find happiness when they get promoted, some when they get a raise. I've seen some guys happy last time in college the first day they got their job, or when they thought they'd flunked the exam, but turns out they didn't. I've also seen the wierdos who need a whole fleet of achievements behind them to give 'em even a tiny bit of a smile.

It was a fifty dollar bill for us. It was like all the stars coming right together and getting involved in some conspiracy to give us all the happiness in the world. A fifty dollar bill! What else can we ask for? At first I thought Neeraj was kidding me and is just going to make fun once I get to the place where he said the bill was lying. For me its just one of those things, that-don't-happen-to-us kind. But Bingo!! It was for real. No one was around and the store was closed. We laughed all the way back and checked many times just to make sure its not a fake one. We even kept looking out of the window to spot if there were more!!

Well, was it just a 50 dollar bill? I think we have millions of 50 dollar bills all around us. We just need to spot and pick 'em up ;).

I just hope that I continue to find these 50 dollar bills all around me. I'll remember, I-20 East, exit 87. ;)).

The 3rd One

2006-05-20T23:41:00.000-05:00

3rd post for the day! Phew!! I could easily kill myself with all the joy of fokatai I did today. Absolutely nothing to do. What did I learn over past few years? I tell you what - How to be proud of doing nothing and being fokat. The feeling is amazing, like a blend of whisky and vodka. You like to drink, but hate the hangover. Now its not that I couldn't have done anything, I know I could have read a book, who knows may be technical ??? But what the heck!!

What more? Ended my day with All-You-Can-Eat buffet at Ryan's for 10 bucks. The Buffet had goddam everything there is to eat and make you multiply pounds. Looks like if I try just a bit more, I can become Adnan again, 3rd time in a row, with this 3rd goddam US trip. To tell you the truth, everyday I feel like I'm already halfway there...phew. What if I don't manage to bring it down this time after getting back to India? Its a scary thought. I'm scared. Can't write any more. Got to go Gym.....

Nothing No More to Say!!

2006-05-20T15:39:00.000-05:00

Niagra

2006-05-20T11:31:00.000-05:00

Last week was crazy I'm telling you. Actually it started since friday evening when we started out for Niagra....long 14 hrs drive all the way up to NY. Well, I'm not saying I didn't n'joy the drive but still it was long. Out here we are ready to drive any distance just for the heck of it. So we went and reached Niagra at around 6 AM after driving all night. We slept for 3-4 hours and started for Niagra falls hoping that we would also find some place to eat. Actully it was justa 5-10 mins walk. So just before the state park we saw this India restaurant, but we still weren't sure whether to eat there or not. Anyways, the owner came out and lured us into the restaurant saying things like "dekh lijiye, dekhne main kya hai", like he was tryin' to sell some cheap saris or somthing. Anyways, the food was real pathetic. The only good thing was that we got some discount after one of the person who was with me started talking to him in Gujju. So thats how we came to know that he used to be some bigshot Judge in India and everybody in Surat knows him like anything. And also that Falguni Pathak always looks for him in crowd and stuff. He was also an amazing face reader as hell, as he told us. Anyways, he was a real phony guy. Well, the phoniest I've ever met.

Now I don't know if you know that weather here is as unpredictible as we have traffic in Indore. You just can't freaking dress for the day. Its supposed to be spring here but only last Sunday we had hail. Huh?. Anyways, so keeping that in mind it suddenly started raining while we started into the Niagra state park. Well, we did check the whether channel and all, but they all screamed that it will rain on sunday, not saturday. Only a day or two before they actually told that, ok, it may rain on saturday. So it rained. We anyways went to "Maid of the Mist". Maid of the Mist is the ferry which takes you right into the horseshoe Niagra Falls. Its amazing to see and feel. So much water!! it looked like that would solve our nation's water problem if we had something like that there. Anyways, after some time rain stopped and we strolled around the park. At night lighting was real poor from America's side. All the light was coming from Canadian side. Now Canadian side looked amazing with all the Casinos and all. But anyways you can't judge whole canada by just what looked on a strip visible from America. So finally there wasn't so much of lighting on falls as I saw last time and there were no fireworks.

The other thing we saw was Indian people. Not one or two, but millions of us. And chinese people. Looked like only we two are interested in Niagra Falls. Well, there were a very few Americans also, but they were the minority and looked quite scared all the time.

So finally we headed off to Seneca, the Casino. Now only when you see a casino, you know its for real like in movies and stuff. So much money!! People playing all kinds of game betting all kinds of money. Now if you don't know, drinks in casinos are on the house. Yes, any drink, all kind, "On the House". You just play and they'll see for everything else. Well, they know Casino wouldn't let you go away winiing. We started off with slot machine, and I won 4 dollars right on my 3rd spin. This beginner's luck went away only too soon and I ended up loosing 17 dollars. So we left and next morning started heading back home. 14 hours drive again, but it was cool. We reached home 11 at night. Only sad part was next day being monday and so it means office.

Overall it was a good trip, crazy coz we got no break after the trip ;(. Anyways, its saturday again after spending whole week in office!! Wohooooooo!!

Vegas Baby!!!

2006-05-10T21:28:00.000-05:00

So finally I bought my $450 tickets to Vegas, roundtrip. Only if I would have not been sleepin about a month ago, it'd have cost me $350 and then I wouldn't be thinkin' about these 100 more dollars and all. Only when Atul motivated me for like a millionth time, I had the courage to book the goddam tickets. "Let it go man!!", He kept on telling me. $450!!.. Oh Boy!, thats a lot of money, forget about all the expenses after that, hotels and casinos and all.

But now that I have booked 'em already, it seems kinda KOOL to me. Afterall its VEGAS BABY!!! I've been thinkin about this trip for months, maybe years. I would have bought the tickets even if they were $1000, no matter. So finally I'll have my chance to touch west cost, far from southern and eastern part, far from these patient old fellas. I have anyways touched almost everthying on eastern coast already. Twice. I mean NY, Miami and all. It was almost time for West. May be I can even touch Grand Canyon and stuff also. Will take a hotel on famous vegas strip, chill out and forget everything else in de world for four freakin' days....

Looking forward to a Greatest ever trip ahead with one of my Greatest friend...

its VEGAS BABY!!

Me and the clones

2006-04-10T23:11:00.000-05:00

Believe me its really hard to live with clones. You don't believe me right, coz you never lived with one. All that happened in your past comes right back at ya and you wanna live it again. Its hard, believe me. I'm living with two of my best friend's clones right now. Or may be its that I want to believe they are, but it feels the same. Now I dont wanna get all nostalgic and all, but can't help thinking about past and how things would have been if I can live it again. Or can past come to my present? But all I can do now is make my present so that when its past, it'd be cool and I can remember it the same way.

Next week I again may have to go back to Indiana and I don't know whether to feel good or bad about it. Life's just passing on and I think I need a break. But it always the same here and its only been a month and a half so the break thing is not even justified. Trying to keep in touch with my friends, its hard too.

Anyways, I'm trying hard to look above and beyond the crowd and loads of people who stand in front of me hiding both past and future. Looks like I'm still standing behind my past and future.....Duniya ki is bheed main... sabse peechhe hum khade ...

Busy dewing stuff?

2006-04-09T00:40:00.000-05:00

Mountain Dew! Yes Sir, My latest favourite. Someone somehow eluded me to drink it, told me it had caffein and all, and since then I'm drinking 3 bottles a day. Crap!!...instead of drinking a nice and hot coffee, I'm drinking this cold shit even right in the morning. This is one of the habit I'll have to carry now which I brought back from Indiana. Great, Goddamn bless me!!! It is a wonder how you know you don't wanna dew somethings, but you dew... coz you wanna dew them. Anyways, no matter, I'm gonna drink dew now for at least a few weeks. Well, whatever I may say but I must say this - Mountain Dew is an essential ingredent of successful computer programming. Do the Dew!!

Yeah Man!! Whatever...

2006-04-03T20:31:00.000-05:00

OK. So it took so long to create the second one. Its alright man, whatever. But time went by so quickly that I did not realize that its running out so fast. Only day before yesterday I was in India having all the fun and only yesterday it was me spending first month in US. Anyways, who cares? yeah...whatever!!...

Only a few days back some American guy told me that its supposed to be spring out here. But it was still cold out in Columbia. When spring really seemed to start there just before the daylight savings and all, I was sent to Indiana and the first thing I heard was was the big loud sirens cryin' out loud Tornado warnings. All the news and weather channel on TV seemed to be screaming out loud to get into basements and stuff, somewhat like 'Aaj Tak'. I didn't had any basement to go in my Hotel, or I didn't knew if there is. So I thought "whatever", and changed the channel.

Yeah, one more thing, with daylight savings and with four freakin' time zones out here, its all pretty much crazy. And here in Indiana, they realized daylight for the first time, so people here are already getting crazy about it. For those of you who don't know, American change their time to 1 Hour to give more day light to farmers and all for their stuff. Its 8.00 here and its still bright outside. Wait till June and it will be 9.00 before everything gets dark. Anyways, whatever...

My apartment and all 3 of my previous roommates changed during last month. I got my guitar practice going on...played some good chess games...Dhaval went back to India, but anyways, whatever...

...Me? Blogging?

2006-02-17T15:40:00.000-05:00

Yes. So finally looking for something new for timepass, i ended up creating one more blog over already clumsy internet. Not sure yet if anyone's ever gonna read it, but still would at least give me some time to think about my thoughts and test my writing skills ;). And those of you reading it right now, well, i knew u'd be here to read it ;).

Anyways, so thats it for my first post, born as a time pass avoiding packing for yet another doomed and damned US trip, to the same boring place with the same reclusive life....Good luck to me!!...