Wanna Get Married?

Well……

One of my friend’s post recently made me think and then thinking made me scared. It was about marriage stuff. And my thoughts started running wild, conjured my married life with me dodging all the utensils in our house. And like any other boy with some senses and brains, I concluded that I am not yet ready to marry anyone expect for Aishwarya Rai may be. But all was not so bad. Hell… you decide on your own after reading what happens…

Six months before marriage

I have bought Reliance India mobile telephone and am talking day and night with my “to be” using my hands free. For the 47th time I am explaining it to her what I ate today and she is asking again for the 48th time what else did I eat today. I don’t know what else would such couples talk about? Not to make all the people feel bad who ask me this question a lot, I want to confess that I think this is the most boring question one human being can ask another one. Especially when all I eat is human food including chicken most of the time. Its like, “Since I don’t have anything else intelligent to say, so what did you eat today?”. Alright, it was a little bit of exaggeration, but it nonetheless remains a boring question. Anyway, we would have to talk about this eating stuff or something else all the time and I will have to take breaks to even go pee.

But the key thing about this part is that it is like a crash course preparing for some exam, with a girl you like, filled with all the excitement. Remember to memorize all the events and stuff and talks you did. You WILL be asked about this after marriage, and you can or WILL be in serious trouble if you forget something. Huh!!

First Year

Like a fresher entering college for the first time, world is waiting with its arms wide open. But the ragging is yet to begin. Although I have all the talking and love I always thought about, but the old chill out dayz are gone. People have started thinking of me as a married and responsible man (yuck!!) and I miss my messy and dirty room filled with filth. (Just today only I realized that the disposable coffee cup kept in my room for more then a week now, was the ultimate source of all the smell and insects. Hell… it is still there).

Ok. I have thrown it away now, but all in all, this would be big change in life involving all the feminine stuff in my room (no more room for dirty coffee cups), she will make me go shopping, and I will have to think twice before making general comments like “I don’t like the food” (man, they can really get you into trouble). And all the questions prepared in the first phase (six months era) will be asked from time to time. And I thus may find myself sleeping on sofa from time to time, since I have learned nothing, and sporadically I may have to agree to Lal Bahadur Shashtri ji and skip meals (Since I won’t get any). And yes, there’s a risk that blogging may end or I’ll hear not-spending-enough-time complaints which can easily ruin your life.

Three to five years

All the inherent just-married cleanliness and affection of the house is gone and there is kid’s shit all around the place. Washing machine is stuffed with yellow diapers which were originally white. The kid is crying or screaming all the time and I don’t have anything else to do since the kid peed on my old laptop. And keeping in mind today’s events (I mean salary and stuff), I am finding it hard to maintain both diapers and laptop, all at the same time. I can afford only one of them, which of course, have to be diapers.

I’m thinking: “Man!! I envisioned this kid stuff way back, like a visionary, like an entrepreneur, but I’m still here, hell”

Five Plus

Kid has grown a little bit and so is the screaming. Of course, since child beating practices still prevail in India, we may sometimes use our power to slap him/her a couple of times just for the heck of it. But it won’t stop the screaming anyway. I will come back from office and try to sit quietly, watching TV, but would have to listen to all the Mrs. Sharma and Mrs. Gupta stuff plus the screaming. Well, I will have to, because not-spending-enough-time rule is valid till this date. Traces of Bachelor life are like a dream and best daze of my life are gone. But the good ol' beer still remains (hopefully) and occasional catch up with an old friend would be a most awaited moment. And yes, ogling at hot girls secretly would continue side by side with deep sighs.


More Years

I wanted to write more but …

Brain Status:
***Idle brain, No activity noticed since last one hour***

Debugger Trace:
***Way too much thinking on a stressful subject. If stressed more, it could explode***

Fix:
***Publish the post and go to sleep***


Phew… now even my laptop is sweating its keys out thinking all this … I will have to stop here and find some hair dryer to dry it up. It really works ... try it sometime ... I learned this trick from one of my most intelligent friend.

PS (added later): Forgot to mention that finally my intelligent friend successfully managed to melt his key board. So don't try hair dryer stuff at home, to be done by a professional only.