Things I want to delete

After looking at the crap I wrote in my last post, I feel like writing again. Not that I have anything specific in mind, but because I don’t want it to be on top. And I don’t feel like deleting it. There is a lot crap in this world, but you just can’t go and delete it. You see, can you just go and delete Salmaan Khan or Mr. George Bush? Personally, I would like to delete few of my office hours, but there are things you just have to live with.

And these days, a “feeling” to write something comes to me with each Indian wicket falling in a cricket match. That means “all the times” if you didn’t get what I meant (except today, they really played well today ;)). And then my mom calling every 12 hours asking “aaj kya khaya beta” and me always choosing one out of three most of the time “Aaj chhole khaye mummy” or “Aaj raajma” or “Pohe” gives an indication how far my world goes. Now even she is bored of these answers and wants to listen to something else as much as I want to cook and eat something else. So I get worried about my writing and cooking skills. And then Atul telling me all the grammatical errors I do, make me feel like a typical mithunda movie writer. I like him telling me this stuff and I am sincerely trying to improve, but I find it difficult to understand the difference between “I didn’t think” and “I didn’t thought”. Atul told me that the first one is correct and second is not; I don’t have a clue. He suggested using Microsoft Word, but its extra AI sometimes gets on my nerve and irritates me even more than Himesh Reshamiya. But in the end, that don’t bother me much. I’ll keep writing that way; grammar will improve with time, if it does.

And then in an attempt to at least increase my vocab a bit, I tried using a thesaurus. I was almost tempted to change the title of this post to “Affairs I crave to obliterate”. But then even I thought that I am about to write about some of the national political affairs which we got to protest. Which of course, I'm not. I have no clue about current affairs except for reservation and petrol price hike and I don't plan to protest yet. I only plan to use my bicycle to office and start some fraud business like printing false SC/ST/OBC certificates to make a lot of money so that my kids don't have to worry about "Aata daal petrol" etc. I became so disturbed that I gave up thesaurus.

And then the topics I choose to write. They change more often than a bollywood heroine’s clothes in a song. If I don’t write something immediately on a topic that comes to my peanut sized head, there is a high probability that I will forget it within an hour. And if I don’t write about it for one day, I’ll most probably get bored of it. Well, there are lots of things which I now feel I should not have stopped or suspended by the reasoning of getting bored, like guitar, chess and well, some books. But more importantly, there are many more things which I would just want to delete from existence. So let me quickly write about them before I forget them or get bored of the entire topic.

1. Murphy

I can go any length to delete this bastard out of the Solar System if I can. He can continue to live in other galaxies, if he wants to, but not Milky Way. The story of my hatred to this guy is eternal. There can be a separate list and post about the damage this omnipotent guy had done to life of earthlings, zillions of time.

2. Ayurvedic massage experience at Kerla

This was one of the worst experiences I ever had in my life. No, the “guy” who gave me the massage was not bad, but the experience of getting a massage from his was soul disturbing. I felt violated. And all you corrupted-brain people out there, whom I right now suspect laughing their bladder off, should know that nothing unusual happened. This is the normal way those massages are given. But I think he is the first and the last guy in the whole damn world who has seen me in that state after I grew up. Moreover, getting a bath from him has emotionally damaged me forever. He charged 250 bucks for that massage but trust me; I would have paid 500 more anytime in between just to get the hell out of there. Only I couldn’t, coz I didn’t had any clothes on. :(

3. Chemistry

This thing haunted me throughout my school life. My life became somewhat like Little Saddam Hussain.

“Saddam, are you playing with those of yours weapons of mass destruction again?”
“Abhishek, are you not studying that Chemistry again?”

For some reason, even though I was good at maths, I never got hold of all the A, B, Cs and 1, 2, 3s and all those geometrical figures used in chemistry. For example, stuff like benzene disturbed me. Some guy dreams about some snakes, which are lying on ground almost dead, in the shape of a ring; instead of running his balls off, he names it benzene. And then makes everybody else learn it!? I just don’t get it. I see a lot of dreams, but I don’t go and develop any computer algorithms out of them.

4. Salmaan Khan’s Tere Naam waali hairstyle

It was ok till only Salman Khan had that hair in that movie. But the problem expanded when the hair style spread like Methyl Isocyanate from Union Carbide in Bhopal. And it is nauseating to see guys keeping their oily hair in that style, talking to their girlfriends and giving you a “your-hairstyle-sucks-and-I-have-a-gf” kinda look. Even my brother had that for some time. I had to really make a real lot of fun to make him get rid of it.

5. Mr. Arjun Singh

No further comments needed. He is one of the most ridiculous guys in recent times.

And many more. But post is already getting big enuf. Think about it, what would you delete from your life, if you could?

And I recently noticed that there is a lot of ridiculous and bizarre stuff happens to me all day. And I decided to keep a track of all that and come up with a conclusion in a single statement. And to record that, I created another blog called “Statement of the Day”. You are most welcome to visit the blog and challenge or comment on any of the statements.