Fat Neck Saturday

Hello. This is Saturday. I have already written once today and writing again. There is nothing else to do. OK, there is. But I don’t want to do. My clothes can tolerate one more day of filth. If I can, they can too. If they can't, they should go see Mallika Sherawat and be done with. Weeks don’t matter when they have seen months. I will wash them tomorrow. I swear.

It must be hard being my laptop. Being slammed all day. Everyday. That too by fingers. Disgusting. I think that is why it fractured itself. As a sign of protest. But I am taking a stance like Indian Govt. I will keep slamming it. Using fingers. God bless Priyanka Chopra.

I am feeling lazy. But am not able to sleep. Already slept for 14 hours. I feel like writing but not long sentences. I don’t know why. May be that way laptop will have less trouble. Everything seems stupid. Even Rajneekant. But not Govinda yet.

I am talking to my mom. She says I am getting fat. If your mom says you are fat, man, that means you are real fat. Like a sumo wrestler. She says my neck is getting even fatter then me. Fat like a banyan tree trunk. She is suggesting some sort of neck exercise. Sounds like a tamil movie dance with neck steps, to and fro. Do exercise and try to rotate neck in some angle. May be she means 37.5 degrees. I’ll ask Govinda or Mithunda. Neck should not be fat. I believe she is right. Why should neck be fat? She is saying connect your webcam. I am afraid that she will see my dirty room. I don’t want her to see my dirty room. But I guess she already knows that it would be a dirty room. I like my dirty room. Dirty room comes to me naturally. I can find anything in a dirty room in a click. I don’t even have a clue in clean room. Clean room sucks.

I bought two t-shirts from walmart last week. None of them fits. Too big. Walmart knows my future. They are intelligent people. Walmart to which I go has McDonald’s too. Their chicken burger rocks. I think they know that. That is why they keep only big t-shirts. And label them small. Everyone wins this way. I like win-win situation. I get this feedback every six months.

Neeraj asked me to come to zoo tomorrow. I told him to come to my place. Then he won’t need to go there either. I don’t need zoo. Zoo sucks. It has animals. Why should I go see animals? I have not even seen my guitar for ten days now. I hope he’s alright. It must be hard being a guitar too. Being played by everyone. But it creates nice music. One day maybe he’ll let me play a full song without slipping notes. Guitars have a way of making your fingers slip. Laptops do not. That’s why I spend more time with my laptop.

I had a nice talk with a gas station cashier today. She was American. Said her mother’s husband was Indian. I was confused. But she sounded ok. A bit confused about Indian food though. She was asking about roti and dough. But I didn’t let out any of our secrets. I am a patriotic guy. Why should I tell her? She should ask her mother’s husband. Then I started thinking about her dad’s wife. And then her husband’s mother. Also her mother’s husband’s child. Who’s who? It must be hard being American. Everyone is confused.

My net connection is screwed up. It is fed up too, I guess. Dies anytime it wants to. It believes in free will I guess. I don’t believe in free will though. It’s a phony thing. They are making me go same place for four years now. Every single morning. Except weekend. Weekends too sometimes. It’s not my will. Free will sucks. I need a real will. A will from some distant filthy rich uncle. Nominating me as his heir. And dying soon then. Laugh at me if you must. But this is what my day was today. Guilty all day of my fat neck. I wish people didn't had necks. That way everybody would look like an owl. Not just me. And down with all the burgers!!