And thus I evolve

Weekdays are always hard to get up in the morning. Not that weekend is any easier, but weekdays are harder. The need for sleep is never fulfilled and one can always use a couple of more hours. And in an effort to not waste even 5 minutes of sleep, I take pleasure in waking up exactly at the precise moment and not a minute earlier, calculated using a complex algorithm incorporating all the factors such as time taken to brush teeth, taking bath and combing hair and deciding whether to skip shaving, even bath and even the you-know-which thing. But despite every muscle movement being meticulously planned for the morning get ready schedule, it is a bizarrely incredible truth that the algorithm fails invariably and each time I have to wonder, what went wrong??

And getting late for the office finally sucks. Now I swear on my project manager that I don’t mean to. I tried many things like taking a bath and changing my underwear one day in advance, but all these efforts just turns out like crap loads of Tiger’s kidneys. Tiger is the name of the three legged stray dog I used to see around a colony. I make it a point each morning to get to bed early and wake up on time, but hoping this to actually happen is like hoping for a zero balance, free check in account offered to me by World Bank for all my efforts towards world peace.

And then there are these zillions of mind bogglingly useless channels on TV. Trying to find something viewable turns out to be as desperate an effort, like I read somewhere, shitting on Mt. Everest to make it an inch taller. I’m lucky that I have this talent to enjoy wondering at the inherent stupidity they put in about anything useless which shows up on some random channel. And thus I recently watched a program called “Before the Dinosaurs” on discovery channel. Trying to mock it in some way, I suddenly realized that the guy on the program is continuously claiming that all the ugly fishes on screen are his true ancestors. This more or less makes fishes my ancestors too, I guess. It bewildered me because I thought it was monkeys. And until monkeys it was all fine, I don’t eat them. But now it is making me guilty that I eat my own tasty ancestors on a regular basis…that’s insane??

That interested me. So I opened wikipedia.com and decided to find out some more about it. Having seen all the episodes of Friends, Ross had already told me fairly well that I have to start with theory of evolution and Mr. Charles Darwin. Here you can ask the obvious question that why didn’t I watch the program itself instead of wikipedia, Angelina Jolie always takes preference over dinosaurs, just like MTV takes over Discovery.

So I searched “evolution” on wikipedia and was scared as a first reaction when the result page opened with more links than hairs on my head. Still managing to go through a few of them like Theory of Natural Selection and Genetic variation, I finally gave up when they started looking like Baba Ramdev’s yoga program going bizzare and completely over my head. Also, all my roommates had already turned into a bunch of Siddhus and started shouting upon me, having me spotted watching this slimy little useless show and even going to internet to check this out.

Although having increased the number of useless things I know and will never use by one, I still did learn something. Theory of natural selection told me that in each group, the one who adapts himself most to the surrounding environment is more likely to survive. Finally getting the gist of the survival of the fittest, I quickly concluded that this is the reason for all the politicians being corrupt in the country and they are continuously goring it on the account of adaptability. And in a desperate effort to survive and adapt to the environment, I made a strict resolution to drink coke on a more regular basis from now on and make more frequent visits to McDonalds. I also gave a deep thought on how can this be used to somehow to select one of the “achhe ghar ki ladki” when I finally become desperate to get married and being turned into a Mr. Yogi by my family…

Anyway, for more updates, I went to a mall at Spartanburg (a place near by) on Saturday for shopping. Personally, I think gnawing one’s own leg is more fun than shopping and I usually hate to shop. One of the reasons for this hatred is my natural ability to suck at this thing called shopping. I know many of my friends who have already sworn on their girlfriends and wives, to never to go shopping with me again. But I figured that a good long drive would be a nice way to kill some time and I can use some window shopping and bird watching in hot US weather. Summer time is a pretty cool time in US because of all the sweet and considerate ladies taking good care of your eyes and not wearing anything below knees.

And driving in US is fun unless you have just landed in the country and feel like puking when the car is going smooth without any ditches or bumps on the road. This is unlike Indian roads, whose sole purpose is to take care of the population crisis going on, and the fortunate people who get home safe feel even luckier then Imran Hashmi.

And the traffic is so good and smooth here that it actually sometimes makes you wonder about the fokatness of these folks. It feels like everyone is waiting for everyone else and there no hurry. Even the dogs here have become so damn stubborn they will keep on standing in the middle of the ignoring all your efforts to blast your horn. That shows the confidence level grown over time that every one has time to wait and nobody will run over him, no matter what.

Anyway, having read almost two paragraphs in-depth on “evolution” from wikipedia.com, I have started believing strongly in it. This is how new species comes to existence and bacteria evolved to dinosaurs and then back to lizards and monkey and man. Evolution shows us that the saying, every dog has its day is true. And even if it sounds altogether unconvincing, I hope to someday evolve into a species which wakes up early, eats a nice breakfast, gets to office on time and can actually have some fun shopping. Now anyways its time for dinner, so while I evolve, let me go and taste a few of my ancestors…